Debate Within Your Relationship

canstockphoto20896832If you know that you and your mate have proven differences in opinion on certain subjects, it is better to avoid those subjects if you know it will only end in an argument; so don’t have a debate within your relationship if you will end up not speaking to each other afterwards. As an example, if you are a Liberal and your mate is a Labor man, then discussions on politics should probably be avoided. As the two of you identify new topics that could cause a negative debate session, stop the conversation before it even gets started, agree to disagree, and discuss only those subjects that will promote healthy discussion and a positive outcome. Sometimes this boils down to the difference in temperament.

If your mate has a choleric temperament, there is little use in arguing. Cholerics will never let you win as their negative qualities include jealousy, irritability, intolerance, impatience and so on. They can’t stand anyone to argue against them. Furthermore, even when they are wrong, they will argue that they are right.

Now, if your mate has a sanguine temperament, the game is a little different. Sanguines get angry very easily if you can’t see their point of view. They would prefer to play rather than debate within your relationship; they would consider this hard work unless they can hold the floor and wrap the debate up in lots of different stories with a sprinkling of embellishments.

A different experience comes with the melancholic. Melancholics can be far too sensitive, and if you disagree with them, they will usually retreat into their shell and will refuse to debate within your relationship at all. Some tend to have a low self-image unless they have worked on themselves, and sometimes consider that others know more than they do about certain subjects. Usually they are extremely well informed about the subjects they like, but these subjects may not appeal to the mate, so an attempt must be made to do things and discuss things that appeal to both partners if the relationship is to survive.

Last of all the person who is a phlegmatic. Phlegmatics can appear quite unenthusiastic about debate within your relationship and can be quite resistant to change of any sort. However, if you can debate on a subject they like, they will contribute readily enough, with much encouragement. Their stubbornness can be extremely annoying, and can often be the cause of fights. So don’t expect too much from them. You might just have to suggest something and then arrange to do it. Usually they are quite happy to tag along.

So if you have an idea of the temperament of your mate, and remember they can be a combination of different temperaments, it will certainly help you in how to go about debating; what subjects to choose, and which ones to avoid.

Watch for the next article on “Set in Your Ways?


Generate Healthy Conversation

dreamstime_1771209If you seem caught in the going nowhere trap, break out of the habit of talking about nothing, and generate healthy conversation. If you are married, especially with children, many times, you may find yourself sitting around the dinner table with the conversation consisting of nothing more than: “Do you like your carrots?” or “I wonder what is on TV tonight?”

It is much better to ask questions showing real interest about what is going on with everyone, and generate healthy conversation with questions and answers: Replace the normal, “Did you have a good day at school?” with “Tell me what you did at school today.” This should certainly generate healthy conversation between you and your children, and then you can help them with any difficulties they may have encountered.

You can also have this interchange with your partner, by asking the same: Tell me what you did at work today.” Even if you do not understand everything being said, listen with interest and ask the occasional question; too many people seem to have lost the art of conversation. It is not that you are so much interested in the work, but in your partner’s life and how he or she is managing.

Now of course, stimulating conversation does depend a lot of the type of temperament you have. Sanguines, of course, naturally have the gift of the gab and can talk under water. But for a Melancholic partner, conversation may be really difficult, so if one partner is lacking in conversational skills, it will be up to the mate to draw that person out and be the one asking the questions to generate healthy conversation.



Personal Space Within the Relationship

Spain (188)Even though it is important to spend quality time together, it is equally important to have personal space within the relationship. It is important to give the other partner time to do something they like. If your mate loves to play golf but you have no desire to walk around a golf course hitting little white balls, or if you like to go to the movies, but your mate is not a movie buff and would rather do something different, then encourage each other to take time for your own personal space within the relationship. Establish a set time for this very purpose, if possible. You might not be able to do it every week, but make it at least once a month, and mark it out on the calendar so you know what to plan for. For example, if you don’t yet have children, you could make every last Friday night in the month, a time for girl’s and boy’s night out, where the females can catch up with their girlfriends, and the men can enjoy a night out with the boys.

Don’t mistake me here; this is not a time to date other people, but a time to enjoy preferred activities with other friends. Remember that trust is important in your relationship, and you will probably find that a fresh spark comes into your relationship as you will have different topics to discuss. However, If you try this, and then drill your partner to see what they did, whom they were with, and where they went, then the exercise has failed, and your personal space within the relationship will only turn into jealousy. If you don’t feel spiritually mature enough to try this, then don’t do it.

So many people don a false front when they come up against circumstances they can’t control or relationships they can’t handle. They wear masks that so gradually become a part of them, that they no longer know where the mask ends, and where they begin; the basic problem being one of rejection. Rejection is one of the most potent thoughts buried deep within the race mind. It surfaces and acts out in people’s lives in numerous ways.

Humanly speaking, nothing has a more profound influence on your behaviour than your inherited temperament. The combination of your parent’s genes and chromosomes at conception, which determined your basic temperament nine months before you drew breath, is largely responsible for your actions, reactions and emotional responses. This is because, prior to birth, you chose the parents who could give you those exact traits to help you develop and grow through the various experiences that you have chosen to encounter on your journey through the earth plane phase of your existence.

It will be your temperament that will allow you to have personal space within the relationship or not. I will be writing about this in more detail as we proceed through the articles.

Watch out for tomorrow’s post on ‘The Power of Touch’