Communion with Your Higher Self

Higher Self Energy Parent

Communion with your Higher Self or what we have come to know as the Energy Parent, or the Holy Christ Self is not practiced in today’s world. There is a Great Unknowable Source from which all things have proceeded, be they animal, vegetable or mineral, be they in this Solar System or another and the most common term for this source is God. In Scripture, this Source has been personalized for ease of understanding. And because the side of it with which we are most familiar is active, powerful, knowledgeable and present everywhere, we have come to know it as our Heavenly Father. The more subtle aspects relating to the heavenly Mother, such as intuition, nurturing, compassion, kindness, mercy, caring, and so on have often been overlooked.

Words like “In Him we live and move and have our being,” maybe be familiar to you if you have read Scripture. You are because God is; there is no separation except in your conscious mind. You have become an individual because the Father/Mother has been individualized in you; thus you reveal the life of the deity at the materialistic level. Your mortal sense and personality blinds you to this truth at the moment because you are more than likely used to looking without instead of looking within. There is no separation between you or me or those who have left the physical body. We are all connected at the deeper levels, but fear puts up  a barrier. Fear exists only in your mind it is not a reality; it is of your own creation by your reaction to the outer, while not knowing the inner. Fear is only fantasizing about something that might happen when you are focused outwardly. When you are attuned inwardly, there is no fear, there is only love or aspects of the energy of love; Love is an attribute of God, one of the four divine qualities that go to make up the name of God. But if you have locked God out of your life by letting in fear, how can you know love? You are all sons and daughters of the Most High, you have the ability to channel the Christ Consciousness, and as you enter into Communion, this is the attitude you should take in with you; a son or a daughter approaching the Energy Parent, the heavenly Father/Mother within you. This connection will open your chakras and allow your awareness to operate at a different level and will guide you to experience a deeper level of meditation. Your relationships will improve, and you will experience a deeper sense of peace.

The heavenly Mother within you is represented in Scripture as the World Mother or Cosmic Feminine Principle or Holy Virgin, the Holy Spirit. The allegories tell of the outgoing of the soul, the emergence into matter, or “the fall”, and the grief and subjection which she therefore brings upon herself. This phase is, in Genesis, represented by Eve. The second condition is that of her restoration, her restitution. This phase is represented for us in the Christian mysteries under the name of Mary. Her emergence from matter and glorification in “heaven” is represented in the Christian Mysteries as the woman in Revelation with a crown of twelve stars upon her head and the moon under her feet. But she will always be travailing in pain until the birthing of the Christ consciousness in humanity is complete.

The initial state symbolizes the present status of humanity; the latter signifies its future attainment. If you tune into the deeper parts of yourself and discover the love that resides there, you will be able to enter into the kingdom of heaven that resides inside you. This is not so difficult. First of all you must cast off all limitations, all jealousies, all antagonisms, all ideas that lead to separation, all that hinders the true expression of the Father/Mother, the Energy Parent that lives inside you. If you would look into your mind you would see the thoughts, images and ideas, the conflicts, the sorrows, the depressions you create. All these limitations manifest in your mind only through not understanding the truth. Allow these limitations that burden you to drop from you at once. You can do this in the blinking of an eye – if you choose to – it is your choice; and then you will find yourself in heaven. Heaven is a state of consciousness, not a place. Thus you bring heaven with you when you clear your minds of all limitations. But in doing this, do not regard the work that is done as the greatest, but the love in which it is performed.

Refrain from thinking, “I have done this; I have built that; I have created this; I have created that; I have healed this person; I have helped that one.” No one creates or heals anything or anyone separate from God, for it is God that gave you the power to do so. There is no outside of God. Even the Master said: “I of myself do nothing, but the Father within me, he doeth the work.”

Therefore learn to recognize that the source of power is love; the “x” factor in healing is love and it only comes through the Christ consciousness that you activate within you; recognize then, the love by which it is performed. Then be conscious of the Christ consciousness that channels through your heart and you will be conscious of ever fresh unfoldment. You will see, hear and know the creative power of the Spirit of God personified in the Christ consciousness within you.

Real Prayer

Real prayer is deep earnestness; it has great attractive power and being in earnest prayer, means being in communion with the Father/Mother, the Energy Parent through the divinity that resides within you, the Christ consciousness. So before you lay hands on another, in earnest prayer, you may request something to the effect of “Lord, I have prepared myself by clearing my thoughts and emotional body. Use me as a channel to help this one. Let your love and your healing come through me to assist this one.” And as you hold the love in your heart, you will feel it start to flow. Perhaps then you will understand the words of the Master when he said, “Even as ye do it unto the least of my brethren, so do ye do it unto me.” We are all one, what you do to or for another, you also do for yourself in both the positive and the negative sense.

Remove the mask of the personality; it binds you to the world of illusion. Unfortunately, so many are still dwelling on the personality of Jesus, with the result that they fail to see the eternal Christ in all. The Christ consciousness is a universal principle. The forgiveness of God is spontaneous and instantaneously blots out all error by the inflow of His Everlasting Love. Do not hinder the gifts of the Spirit then, by regrets, sadness or remorse, but open your heart so that the love can flow into it and be made manifest in the flesh. If you are sad, or in remorse, having regrets, your mind is filled with illusory shadows, but when the love of God fills you, there is no room for shadows, they melt away to be replaced by peace and understanding.And so, as you commune, do so earnestly, asking forgiveness for any error and forgiving those who have a grievance against you. Become reconciled in your heart with them; then your Energy Parent will hear you. For in your heart is the key to the entrance of your heavenly Father’s house. It is the dragon of the personality self that stops you from entering. The only way to enter, of course is through communion with your Higher Self.

SaveSave

SaveSave

SaveSave

Bring Some Variety into Your Life

If you’ve ever marveled at somebody’s creative prowess, guess what—you can create and innovate too and create a variety of different experiences for yourself—it just takes a little time. Everyone is born creative but in a unique and different way. The paint box you saw on your teacher’s table in grade school was not limited to her use alone. Everybody has the potential to develop the many creative aspects of their being. Don’t listen to what other people tell you that you can or cannot do. Follow your own inclinations. Allowing for the input of other people will only bring discord to the music you are trying to make. If you have an original idea, don’t waste your time and effort trying to make people understand. They won’t. And the help you will probably get will often come in the form of negative feedback. Did the geniuses of old listen to their peers? If they did we wouldn’t have the marvelous inventions we have today.

Some of the most innovative people from past eras have taken a nap, a daydream, and come up with an invention no one else thought of. Others have gained tremendous inspiration while taking a walk. Exercising certainly clears your head and allows different things to pop into your mind—especially creative pursuits. Make a note of these different things; there may be gold among them. Record your dreams. Aren’t some of them just the most vivid imaginations your conscious mind would never have thought of? This shows you the untapped innovative power you have lying within. So don’t waste it. Those dreams may just create an innovative spark in you. Be passionate about what you do! Nothing will work without passion. What makes you leap out of bed full of vim and vigour of a morning? What keeps the flame of ideas burning? What is the one idea that you wish you had the money to develop? Sometimes people with talent are walked over by the people who want it more. Sometimes you just want something so badly you become virtually unstoppable. This is what I mean by passion. Passion will keep you going. Without it, you may end up not doing anything.

But you also need inspiration; inspiration hits when you least expect it to, for those unpredictable yet inevitable moments you should always be prepared by having pen and paper handy. An idea could strike you as you are driving to work, or on the bus, and if you do not have a sheet of paper to jot down a thought that could change your life – need I say more? Avoid these disasters. Have a pen and paper with you at all times. Let a variety of ideas flow through your mind every day. Keep in mind that you’re doing these things for your own benefit and not anybody else’s. At this time you don’t want negative input. If you are successful, of course this will benefit everyone else as well. So explore the different areas of your mind; you might just discover some untapped resource, and mbring some variety into your life! The painting attached is one of my own creative inspirations from a long time ago.

SaveSave

SaveSave

Life Choices

Meta Relationship ProgramYour life choices are based on your psychological conditioning or what is commonly called your emotional programming. Do you want to know how it adds up? Your life experiences + your choices + your desires + your decisions = your emotional programming. It is important to understand that about 80% of emotional programming normally happens before you are eight years old, and that it is the basis of how you react today.

You can’t change your past, but if you begin to understand why you react today, and not respond, you can break the chains that bind you, and understand more about yourself, and why you interact the way you do with your partner Now, I’d like to help you understand your own emotional programming and life choices and how to respond differently.

You attract the partner into your life who can assist you best with your life lessons, and help you overcome your emotional programming, and bring your shadow side or sub-personalities into the light.

This emotional programming affects how you think and behave as an adult Your life experiences, especially those before you were eight years old, cause you to make certain subconscious decisions about yourself and others, and these decisions in turn, cause you to make certain choices as an adult.

All these choices and the way you behave, is called your emotional baggage or your emotional programming. It is this subconscious emotional baggage or programming that you bring with you into your relationships and this is what is responsible for much of the pain or conflict you feel.

In your journey through your incarnate existence, there would have been certain circumstances, disappointments, rejections, and other negative experiences that caused emotional wounds, and ultimately caused the kind of conditioning or programming we’ve been talking about. It doesn’t matter if the person who hurt you meant to hurt you, or if the disappointments were so many that they caused you to react negatively towards certain people, or even if it really was a negative situation—it depended solely on your interpretation of it.

Just for a moment, imagine a little girl whose father suddenly takes ill and dies. The child can’t understand why daddy isn’t there anymore and she feels totally abandoned, she wants her daddy.  We all know the event of a parent’s death is a natural occurrence, but at such a tender young age, it is interpreted as a very painful experience of abandonment. A child at such a young age doesn’t understand, even though they might know daddy has gone to heaven, and they tend to subconsciously blame the person who caused them pain. So, based on these subconscious decisions made from your childhood wounds, you grew up making certain choices to help you cope. You unconsciously developed emotional habits of response.

Now, this child whose father died, because of the programming in the subconscious mind, will probably attract men who abandon her, even though she may be an extremely beautiful young woman. Deep down is the belief that people she loves will abandon her, and that she will have to look after herself.

Eventually though, she does find someone who really loves her, so she marries. However, every time her husband wants her to open up, or he gets too close, that protective wall she put in place so long ago immediately sets a barrier between them. Unconsciously, she’s still protecting herself; she is still reacting to that little program in the subconscious mind that says “People who love me will leave me—don’t trust them.” Until she understands that and changes the program, she can’t have a healthy relationship with her husband.

Many of your choices and habits are formed to protect you at a different age. In the example above, that girl’s choices were protecting her. They were not meant to harm her or anybody else. They were used as a survival mechanism. If you find something like this happening in your own life today, look back into your own life and see where the hurts, the pain the abandonment, the rejection happened, and work towards clearing it so you make different life choices, and can move forward as a free and happy soul. Marriage is about finding the right partner—it’s about BEING the right partner.

 

 

Our Shadow Side

Screen Shot 2013-09-30 at 11.15.46 PMWhatever parts of ourselves we try to get rid of in our personality, life will bring to us—in the form of people who are exactly like those parts we deny—our shadow side. We will meet people who carry our shadow side and each time we do, these people will be a challenge for us. We will either be strong­ly attracted, or strongly repelled, or some combination of the two. Our partner is usually the one to project our shadow side back to us to help us transform. This doesn’t happen immediately, of course, but usually after about eighteen months or so. If our partner is not destined to help us transform through the shadow, then usually it will be one of our difficult children who will do so. If this does not happen in the home life, then you can be sure there will be someone at work who will project to us our own shadow side.

The shadow, or these repressed aspects, sometimes called sub-personalities or selves) are like mis­siles, aimed at us by the intelligence that created us, and they always find their mark; there is no escaping them. There is just the challenge to learn that lesson, to integrate it, then move on to the next experience. Bit by painful bit we can overcome the shadow, or the repressed aspects that are a part of us.

We need to realize that whatever we deny is what we attract. This is the basic law of relationship. We will be moved by spirit in a particular direction and “fall in love” with someone who has the capability to push us to complete ourselves, to become all that we can become in this lifetime. They are not consciously aware of this, it works at the soul level, and that level senses what we are missing and then pushes (or pulls) us to fill the vacu­um. What we are missing is what we have denied or pushed down into the dark depths of the psyche. If you can think of relationship as the vehicle for completing yourself, then you will see each of the people who carry aspects of your shadow, as your teachers.

Until you become aware of this basic law of the psyche, you will usually see the shadow or your denied aspects as the enemy, and there will be times when they will cause you much pain. A great deal of the pain that people experience in relationship is based on the fact that they have no understanding that they are carrying each other’s shadow side, and mirroring it back to the other person. This is true in all relationships. At first, you may find the shadow irresistible when you see it in your partner, and then, after a while, you will usually find it impossible to live with, because it really pushes your buttons, simply because you don’t understand that it is really that part of yourself that you need to look at.

The people in your life who carry aspects of your shadow are your teachers, giving you an opportunity to bring your shadow into the light. When you realize this, life and relationships look different. This is true of everybody in your life, not only your partner, but it is usually your primary relationship that carries the biggest charge. These apparently irreconcilable differences in relationships, mirrored back to you by your partner, are opportunities for the greatest personal growth. Your current personality does not like what it sees in the mirroring process, because it can get very painful, but as you learn to make use of the larger perspective that contains opportunities for soul growth and transformation, then you will begin to see the world through different eyes.  You begin to see the value of your shadow side that your partner carries, and projects back to you.  You get a sense of what you have pushed down and denied. As you reclaim those denied aspects of yourself, you will begin to transform and usually reclaim your relationship. The partner who caused you so much pain before, suddenly begins to look just fine again, and your relationship is able to move forward on a higher level.

 

 

 

The Different Archetypes or Inner Selves

Screen Shot 2013-08-11 at 3.51.37 PMYou are not a single entity and neither am I.  Each of us is made up of a set of reincarnating facets that contain the different archetypes, or inner selves. These selves are the building blocks of the psyche. They are independent facets and each has a distinct personality. Each of these selves is like an actual person living inside of us. Each has its own history, its own way of looking at life and each has its own way of living in the world, and operates through its own programming.

How you will behave in any particular situation will depend upon the inner self that is in charge at that moment; this is normal; there is nothing strange about it. Perhaps you have inside you a critical self, a demanding self, a supportive self, a pleaser self, a pusher self, an inner child, and so on. All these selves are really part of the faceted structure of the personality you have adopted for this incarnation to help you experience your life lessons. They are formed by the balance of the four elemental principles, of fire, air, water and earth, and whether the polarity is negative or positive at the time.

Do you have days, or even moments at work, or at home when you know that you are completely in charge, when things seem to flow smoothly and the right answers are there when you need them? And at other times you feel awkward, and everything seems wrong; it is as if somebody-else inside of you is running the show. Decisions are difficult to make, you have an insecure feeling, you question everything you do, and nothing feels exactly right.

Actually, somebody else is running the show. There are two different facets or inner selves operating at these two different times, The first is someone who is both in charge and decisive, The other is an inner critic who criticizes everything you do or say, and makes you feel awkward and insecure. If you are aware of your personality type, it is certainly helpful in working out which element, and subsequently which inner self is dominant at the time.

Here is an example of two different selves as they operate in two different parts of someone’s life. Take for example, an intelligent, attractive, thirty-five year-old lawyer who specializes in mediation. She is an independent person who worked hard to get to this point in her life, she worked hard to get her degree, she never complains, and is now a partner in a highly respected law firm.

She loves her partner dearly, and is devoted to her family and has many friends. But she is literally one person at work, and a totally different person at home because different facets of her personality (different selves) operate in each of these circumstances. If you saw her at work you would be impressed with her ability to deal with complex situations and sometimes, quite angry clients. She has an ability to consider the needs of others, but she keeps her eye on the objective facts of the situation and deals with it accordingly.  When she is at work she is totally positive, and her ability to see facts clearly helps her to make the right decisions. She is totally professional and dispassionate in this situation.

However, when she gets home, things are different; she becomes more personal and emotional, easily influenced by the feelings and needs of her family and friends. She wants everybody to love and appreciate her. At home her decision making and her actions are deeply affected by the people she loves, and the objectivity and professionalism she uses at work are nowhere to be found. Again, these are two different selves; they are operating in two different situations. The first self is one we would call an impersonal self and the sec­ond is a personal self.

Now think about how different it is to relate to some­one as the selves in charge begin to shift. These selves can be responsible or irresponsible, protective or attacking, nurturing or needy, controlling or passive, self-assured or self-critical, supportive or judg­mental, loving or hateful. There are all kinds of possibilities and they are all in each of us!

When we know about these different selves and the elemental influence, much about our relationships becomes clear; when we do not, we are easily hurt, confused and angered by our partners. We often feel betrayed by them, and bemoan their lack of consistency, and question both their truthfulness and their underlying motivations.

When we do not know about the different selves, we judge our partner or we become critical of our partner and even openly criticize him or her. Or perhaps we become withdrawn or depressed. Sometimes we even become critical of ourselves and worry about why we ruin all our relationships. Some people feel so hopeless about relationships that they decide it just is not worth the bother.

Well, it definitely is worth the bother, and if you begin to recognize the different archetypes or inner selves, and learn about what really goes on in your relationships, it will open up a whole new dimension for you. When you know about the archetypes within each of us, and how the elements influence us through the different personality types, changes and inconsistencies are no longer a mystery, and you begin to recognize that your partner has not changed at all. It is, instead, an archetype or some of the inner selves in charge of your partner’s interaction that have changed. When you become aware of this, you will find the negative facets will begin to dim, the more positive ones will become enhanced, and your relationship will become more spiritual.

 

How to Make a Relationship Work

Portugal (45)Think about it! Most of us were never taught how to communicate effectively with others, or how to ask for what we want. We usually ask for something else for fear of being thought selfish or greedy. How to make a relationship work? We were never taught that either. Love is not enough to make it work, we need to know how to make it work.

Most of us learned about relationships from watching how our parents interacted. If you grew up in a loving family atmosphere, you had a good start in life, but if you grew up in an unhealthy family environment, you would have learned unhealthy relationship habits. You probably would not want to have a relationship just like your parents, but don’t know how to go about forming a healthy relationship, or how to make it work.

You probably learned how to fight, how to hide our true feelings, how to have low self-esteem and so on. You were most likely confused by double messages, about one parent maybe playing the martyr, or one playing the bully. But it’s not your parent’s fault either, they would have learned from their parents and so on, it goes generation after generation.

In the days of our grandparents, love was an extravagance; an exception rather than the rule. On the odd occasion, of course, there was true love and it was a beautiful thing. Most married and had a family for many other reasons. The man worked to provide for the family, the woman stayed home and raised the children. There was little communication about love. Mostly, for the woman, love was a chore that had to be done. Some women even thought they could fall pregnant by being kissed. No wonder that today we have a lot of emotional cripples among us.

Lets hope we can learn enough about love and relationships so if ever our children are asked if they would want a relationship just like their parents, they would say, “Most definitely!”

When you were born, you came into the world with your previous memories washed clean, ready to start a new life with a clean slate; and it’s the interaction with your parents, teachers and peers that causes you to be conditioned emotionally.

Your emotional body is like a computer that has a program installed. When you hit a certain key, the program runs and responds in a certain way. When you press other keys, different responses happen. You have to change the programs you put in as a child if you want different responses as an adult  to learn how to make a relationship work.

Continued shortly.

Transformation

vitruvian manAlways remain positive in any relationship you have. You really have to remember that you can’t change your partner, but…your partner will change and respond differently as you are able to change. This is a very powerful emotional experience and may lead to personal transformation especially if you are able to release your shadow side.

Please remember that energy will not be repressed. If it is not expressed, it will project out of the personality and use your partner as a mirror to show you what areas of your life you need to clear up. Those things we do not like in another are usually the very things we ourselves need to clear up in our own lives. This leads to transformation.

If you are experiencing difficulty in your relationship, you will need to be patient as you work you way through, especially if you are carrying a lot of emotional conditioning or habit patterns that are difficult to eradicate. So, take it step by step, even hour by hour, day by day, until the days turn into weeks and the weeks into months and the months into years of personal happiness. You have to work at a relationship, the same as you have to work at anything else to get it to operate as it should.

One partner may begin to feel more emotion than the other, initially.  This is OK because you have unconsciously erected barriers around your emotional body for protection, and when these barriers start to crumble, you will find yourself getting in touch with those emotions that you have buried deep inside, such as anger, guilt, blame, fear, hurt, insecurity, disappointment, intolerance, vulnerability and so on.

When this happens, give yourself permission to feel the emotion surfacing; really feel the emotion, wallow in it, cry, beat a pillow, or whatever seems appropriate at the time to release the blockage. Then, when you have passed through that stage and released the emotion, if you sit quietly, you will feel the energy behind the emotion and realize that all energy passes through you continually. It is only when you hold onto it or repress it that you become sick or experience pain.

Try not to personalize the energy by saying “I am angry.” That way you become one with the anger and it is difficult to move it out. But say rather, “This is anger passing through me, I am not going to hold onto it and repress it, I shall express it and then let it go.” Now you have separated it, you can make a decision about what you will do. You and emotion are not one; emotions merely pass through you once you decide to let that happen. Emotion is energy in motion—block it or let it bank up by repressing it—and you’ll get sick.

It would be helpful to remember that emotions are something you do, not something that just happens to you. If that were the case, emotions would control you and you would end up as some kind of unaware receptacle for whatever emotion decided to move through you. No other person can make you angry or sad or sick. It is the way you emotionally respond to the action of another person that causes you to say “You make me angry!” or “You hurt me!” The other person has done nothing except trigger a response from the energy patterns you are carrying inside. If there was no hurt inside you, the action could not provoke a hurt response, it would merely provoke a feeling of compassion.

So, when someone upsets you, the correct response should be:

1. Express your feelings, e.g. “I am feeling…………”

2. Don’t blame the other person just because they have pushed one

of your emotional buttons.

3. Take responsibility for your own feelings.

e.g. Not……….”You make me angry!” but “I get angry when………”

This way you will experience emotional clearing along the way and have a better relationship as a result, because you will be going through a transformation.

Love at First Sight

canstockphoto16779684Our world is literally full of living energies that contain ideas and information. Some portray a more common impression, and we call these energies archetypes because they convey specific patterns of instinctual behaviour. These archetypes automatically project themselves outwardly from within each one of us onto whatever mirrors are available in our outer world, to reflect back to us what we need to look at. For example, the person who inspires ‘love at first sight,’ is acting as a mirror for unconscious forces tthat are living within them, and each draws the energies to itself, which fit at that level of development.

These energies are powered by the central sun in the solar plexus centre; they are indeed living, intelligent forces that have particular life functions and they influence the tapestry of our lives, sometimes colouring it with bright and dazzling colours, and at other times with dull and uninteresting colours.  They attach themselves, without our conscious aware­ness, to everything we touch or get close to in our world.

Attaching or projecting themselves onto living people, they have the power to influence the behavior of those people, and draw back onto themselves a corresponding projection. The illusion of evil is created by the repression of energy. Evil is unconsciousness. Those who are concerned about its prevalence in their lives might well attempt to seek the source of it within themselves. Evil results from ignorance of the way the laws of the universe work. We come to this conclusion by the words spoken to Peter by the Master when he rebuked him: ‘But he turned, and said unto Peter, “Get thee behind me, Satan: thou art an offence unto me: for thou savourest not the things that be of God, but those that be of men”’. Sin is only separation from your God.

It is strange how everyone is encouraged to understand and believe through another’s experiences or dogma; few people are encouraged to embark on their own inner journeys (except if you meditate), to establish their own spiritual individualities. Few look within where this teacher actually exists, even though the Master suggested that this was the way to do it. Now, love at first sight or falling in love, as opposed to loving, and loving unconditionally, is probably the most prevalent form of accepted projection in human society. It is one way, through the magnetic attraction of the aura, that brings couples together to perpetuate the species.

When we experience love at first sight, we experience the other person mirroring back to us, the projection of some ideal archetypal part of ourselves. The archetype projects onto the loved one, a whole range of potential desires, and emotions that are all provided by the psychological expec­tations of the person projecting the archetype. So, falling in love is literally loving a part of yourself, which the projection process places on another person, and that person mirrors it back to you. If the loved one willingly receives and responds to it, then we say it was love at first sight.

If the loved one rejects the projection, then the other suffers the pain of unrequited love. Love at first sight makes demands on the loved one, be they willing or unwilling. When ‘love at first’ sight turns into ‘loving’ on the other hand, everything becomes free and giving; the relationship operates through loving kindness; it requires nothing in return, has no expectations, and accepts the other without judgment. True love wants only that which can be freely and unconditionally given out of the other’s self. The relationship where love at first sight turns into loving as the initial projection wanes, usually somewhere between six to eighteen months (or when the honeymoon period is over), are those that endure, expressing the greatest beauty, kindness, and compassion.

 

Debate Within Your Relationship

canstockphoto20896832If you know that you and your mate have proven differences in opinion on certain subjects, it is better to avoid those subjects if you know it will only end in an argument; so don’t have a debate within your relationship if you will end up not speaking to each other afterwards. As an example, if you are a Liberal and your mate is a Labor man, then discussions on politics should probably be avoided. As the two of you identify new topics that could cause a negative debate session, stop the conversation before it even gets started, agree to disagree, and discuss only those subjects that will promote healthy discussion and a positive outcome. Sometimes this boils down to the difference in temperament.

If your mate has a choleric temperament, there is little use in arguing. Cholerics will never let you win as their negative qualities include jealousy, irritability, intolerance, impatience and so on. They can’t stand anyone to argue against them. Furthermore, even when they are wrong, they will argue that they are right.

Now, if your mate has a sanguine temperament, the game is a little different. Sanguines get angry very easily if you can’t see their point of view. They would prefer to play rather than debate within your relationship; they would consider this hard work unless they can hold the floor and wrap the debate up in lots of different stories with a sprinkling of embellishments.

A different experience comes with the melancholic. Melancholics can be far too sensitive, and if you disagree with them, they will usually retreat into their shell and will refuse to debate within your relationship at all. Some tend to have a low self-image unless they have worked on themselves, and sometimes consider that others know more than they do about certain subjects. Usually they are extremely well informed about the subjects they like, but these subjects may not appeal to the mate, so an attempt must be made to do things and discuss things that appeal to both partners if the relationship is to survive.

Last of all the person who is a phlegmatic. Phlegmatics can appear quite unenthusiastic about debate within your relationship and can be quite resistant to change of any sort. However, if you can debate on a subject they like, they will contribute readily enough, with much encouragement. Their stubbornness can be extremely annoying, and can often be the cause of fights. So don’t expect too much from them. You might just have to suggest something and then arrange to do it. Usually they are quite happy to tag along.

So if you have an idea of the temperament of your mate, and remember they can be a combination of different temperaments, it will certainly help you in how to go about debating; what subjects to choose, and which ones to avoid.

Watch for the next article on “Set in Your Ways?

 

How to Repair Your Relationship

canstockphoto16779684A lot of people are writing to me wanting to know about partnerships and marriage. So I have decided to post something here every day that may be of assistance. Marriage is certainly different to what it was fifty years ago. When I look around in today’s modern world, all I see are marriages and partnerships falling apart. It is no wonder that many are avoiding the traditional marriage, and opting for something different, although deep down, everyone still seems to be searching for that “special one—that soul mate”.

Many relationships are faced with challenges and other obstacles that seem too hard to deal with. So many people just quit trying to understand what went wrong and simply give up, often finding themselves out in the rat race of the dating game once again.  Dating is getting more and more like ‘pass the parcel’, trying to date as many people as possible in an attempt to find the ‘right one’, instead of taking the time to get to know someone a little better, and letting the relationship move to a deeper level where the soul qualities reside.

The truth of the matter is that relationships, whether dating or married, are hard. Things do not always work out as we want them to, arguments do occur, and whether you believe it or not, it does take 100% commitment from both parties to make the relationship a success.

When there is a relationship split, one or both parties feel different. The magic that once was there, no longer exists. And someone is always left wondering “Why? What went wrong?” If one person initiates the break, the other person usually suffers a ‘psychic bleed’. That means the cord that was attached through the emotional centre has been cut. This is why some people feel pain around the solar plexus centre, and can’t eat.

Of course, it is possible to enjoy a healthy, and long-lasting relationship.  So what secrets do the people who have them possess? Relationships are like any other professional job. The more you work at it, the more you begin to enjoy it because it gives you satisfaction. So what happens at work when a problem arises? Do you say to the boss: “Aww, this is too hard, I’m out of here!” Obviously not if you want to keep your job! You work at the problem until you solve it, and it makes you feel good that you were able to achieve something. The same is true in any relationship.

So, the answer is to communicate about any problems that occur, and solve them straight away instead of letting resentment or anger build up and undermine the relationship.

Everyone knows the magic of those “warm and fuzzy” feelings wears off a relationship after about eighteen months or so. But it need not. You can make a decision to let “being in love” with someone turn into “loving” someone.

Loving someone means you become best friends as well as lovers. It means you begin to resonate with the other person on all four levels, physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually.  If, when you married, you were only resonant on the physical and emotional levels, it means you have to study a little, pick up your game, open your mind and become interested in other things; this is what makes it work. If you were resonant on the mental and spiritual levels, it probably means you will experience emotions you were unaware of before, or there may be physical difficulties in the relationship. These things may not become apparent for many years, and one partner may begin to back away from the relationship, finding it unsatisfactory, but afraid of telling the other partner why.

Now to have a true marriage, you need to be compatible and resonant with your partner on all four levels. If you remain resonant on only two or three levels, you do not have a true marriage, you have a living arrangement. True marriage is not represented by a piece of paper signed and dated in front of witnesses. That is a man made thing. There are some couples living together who have never taken formal man made vows, who have made their own vows to one another, and who are compatible on all four levels. In the eyes of some institutions they are not considered married, but they are more married in the true sense of the word than some living in the sham of a so-called modern day marriage.

There are hundreds of things you can do to better your relationship. One of the first is to understand the temperament of your partner, and I’ll give you hints and tips on this aspect after we get through some of the more basic things that can help restore your relationship.

Watch out for tomorrows post on ‘Beginning Again’.