Your life choices are based on your psychological conditioning or what is commonly called your emotional programming. Do you want to know how it adds up? Your life experiences + your choices + your desires + your decisions = your emotional programming. It is important to understand that about 80% of emotional programming normally happens before you are eight years old, and that it is the basis of how you react today.
You can’t change your past, but if you begin to understand why you react today, and not respond, you can break the chains that bind you, and understand more about yourself, and why you interact the way you do with your partner Now, I’d like to help you understand your own emotional programming and life choices and how to respond differently.
You attract the partner into your life who can assist you best with your life lessons, and help you overcome your emotional programming, and bring your shadow side or sub-personalities into the light.
This emotional programming affects how you think and behave as an adult Your life experiences, especially those before you were eight years old, cause you to make certain subconscious decisions about yourself and others, and these decisions in turn, cause you to make certain choices as an adult.
All these choices and the way you behave, is called your emotional baggage or your emotional programming. It is this subconscious emotional baggage or programming that you bring with you into your relationships and this is what is responsible for much of the pain or conflict you feel.
In your journey through your incarnate existence, there would have been certain circumstances, disappointments, rejections, and other negative experiences that caused emotional wounds, and ultimately caused the kind of conditioning or programming we’ve been talking about. It doesn’t matter if the person who hurt you meant to hurt you, or if the disappointments were so many that they caused you to react negatively towards certain people, or even if it really was a negative situation—it depended solely on your interpretation of it.
Just for a moment, imagine a little girl whose father suddenly takes ill and dies. The child can’t understand why daddy isn’t there anymore and she feels totally abandoned, she wants her daddy. We all know the event of a parent’s death is a natural occurrence, but at such a tender young age, it is interpreted as a very painful experience of abandonment. A child at such a young age doesn’t understand, even though they might know daddy has gone to heaven, and they tend to subconsciously blame the person who caused them pain. So, based on these subconscious decisions made from your childhood wounds, you grew up making certain choices to help you cope. You unconsciously developed emotional habits of response.
Now, this child whose father died, because of the programming in the subconscious mind, will probably attract men who abandon her, even though she may be an extremely beautiful young woman. Deep down is the belief that people she loves will abandon her, and that she will have to look after herself.
Eventually though, she does find someone who really loves her, so she marries. However, every time her husband wants her to open up, or he gets too close, that protective wall she put in place so long ago immediately sets a barrier between them. Unconsciously, she’s still protecting herself; she is still reacting to that little program in the subconscious mind that says “People who love me will leave me—don’t trust them.” Until she understands that and changes the program, she can’t have a healthy relationship with her husband.
Many of your choices and habits are formed to protect you at a different age. In the example above, that girl’s choices were protecting her. They were not meant to harm her or anybody else. They were used as a survival mechanism. If you find something like this happening in your own life today, look back into your own life and see where the hurts, the pain the abandonment, the rejection happened, and work towards clearing it so you make different life choices, and can move forward as a free and happy soul. Marriage is about finding the right partner—it’s about BEING the right partner.