Love at First Sight

canstockphoto16779684Our world is literally full of living energies that contain ideas and information. Some portray a more common impression, and we call these energies archetypes because they convey specific patterns of instinctual behaviour. These archetypes automatically project themselves outwardly from within each one of us onto whatever mirrors are available in our outer world, to reflect back to us what we need to look at. For example, the person who inspires ‘love at first sight,’ is acting as a mirror for unconscious forces tthat are living within them, and each draws the energies to itself, which fit at that level of development.

These energies are powered by the central sun in the solar plexus centre; they are indeed living, intelligent forces that have particular life functions and they influence the tapestry of our lives, sometimes colouring it with bright and dazzling colours, and at other times with dull and uninteresting colours.  They attach themselves, without our conscious aware­ness, to everything we touch or get close to in our world.

Attaching or projecting themselves onto living people, they have the power to influence the behavior of those people, and draw back onto themselves a corresponding projection. The illusion of evil is created by the repression of energy. Evil is unconsciousness. Those who are concerned about its prevalence in their lives might well attempt to seek the source of it within themselves. Evil results from ignorance of the way the laws of the universe work. We come to this conclusion by the words spoken to Peter by the Master when he rebuked him: ‘But he turned, and said unto Peter, “Get thee behind me, Satan: thou art an offence unto me: for thou savourest not the things that be of God, but those that be of men”’. Sin is only separation from your God.

It is strange how everyone is encouraged to understand and believe through another’s experiences or dogma; few people are encouraged to embark on their own inner journeys (except if you meditate), to establish their own spiritual individualities. Few look within where this teacher actually exists, even though the Master suggested that this was the way to do it. Now, love at first sight or falling in love, as opposed to loving, and loving unconditionally, is probably the most prevalent form of accepted projection in human society. It is one way, through the magnetic attraction of the aura, that brings couples together to perpetuate the species.

When we experience love at first sight, we experience the other person mirroring back to us, the projection of some ideal archetypal part of ourselves. The archetype projects onto the loved one, a whole range of potential desires, and emotions that are all provided by the psychological expec­tations of the person projecting the archetype. So, falling in love is literally loving a part of yourself, which the projection process places on another person, and that person mirrors it back to you. If the loved one willingly receives and responds to it, then we say it was love at first sight.

If the loved one rejects the projection, then the other suffers the pain of unrequited love. Love at first sight makes demands on the loved one, be they willing or unwilling. When ‘love at first’ sight turns into ‘loving’ on the other hand, everything becomes free and giving; the relationship operates through loving kindness; it requires nothing in return, has no expectations, and accepts the other without judgment. True love wants only that which can be freely and unconditionally given out of the other’s self. The relationship where love at first sight turns into loving as the initial projection wanes, usually somewhere between six to eighteen months (or when the honeymoon period is over), are those that endure, expressing the greatest beauty, kindness, and compassion.

 

Debate Within Your Relationship

canstockphoto20896832If you know that you and your mate have proven differences in opinion on certain subjects, it is better to avoid those subjects if you know it will only end in an argument; so don’t have a debate within your relationship if you will end up not speaking to each other afterwards. As an example, if you are a Liberal and your mate is a Labor man, then discussions on politics should probably be avoided. As the two of you identify new topics that could cause a negative debate session, stop the conversation before it even gets started, agree to disagree, and discuss only those subjects that will promote healthy discussion and a positive outcome. Sometimes this boils down to the difference in temperament.

If your mate has a choleric temperament, there is little use in arguing. Cholerics will never let you win as their negative qualities include jealousy, irritability, intolerance, impatience and so on. They can’t stand anyone to argue against them. Furthermore, even when they are wrong, they will argue that they are right.

Now, if your mate has a sanguine temperament, the game is a little different. Sanguines get angry very easily if you can’t see their point of view. They would prefer to play rather than debate within your relationship; they would consider this hard work unless they can hold the floor and wrap the debate up in lots of different stories with a sprinkling of embellishments.

A different experience comes with the melancholic. Melancholics can be far too sensitive, and if you disagree with them, they will usually retreat into their shell and will refuse to debate within your relationship at all. Some tend to have a low self-image unless they have worked on themselves, and sometimes consider that others know more than they do about certain subjects. Usually they are extremely well informed about the subjects they like, but these subjects may not appeal to the mate, so an attempt must be made to do things and discuss things that appeal to both partners if the relationship is to survive.

Last of all the person who is a phlegmatic. Phlegmatics can appear quite unenthusiastic about debate within your relationship and can be quite resistant to change of any sort. However, if you can debate on a subject they like, they will contribute readily enough, with much encouragement. Their stubbornness can be extremely annoying, and can often be the cause of fights. So don’t expect too much from them. You might just have to suggest something and then arrange to do it. Usually they are quite happy to tag along.

So if you have an idea of the temperament of your mate, and remember they can be a combination of different temperaments, it will certainly help you in how to go about debating; what subjects to choose, and which ones to avoid.

Watch for the next article on “Set in Your Ways?

 

Generate Healthy Conversation

dreamstime_1771209If you seem caught in the going nowhere trap, break out of the habit of talking about nothing, and generate healthy conversation. If you are married, especially with children, many times, you may find yourself sitting around the dinner table with the conversation consisting of nothing more than: “Do you like your carrots?” or “I wonder what is on TV tonight?”

It is much better to ask questions showing real interest about what is going on with everyone, and generate healthy conversation with questions and answers: Replace the normal, “Did you have a good day at school?” with “Tell me what you did at school today.” This should certainly generate healthy conversation between you and your children, and then you can help them with any difficulties they may have encountered.

You can also have this interchange with your partner, by asking the same: Tell me what you did at work today.” Even if you do not understand everything being said, listen with interest and ask the occasional question; too many people seem to have lost the art of conversation. It is not that you are so much interested in the work, but in your partner’s life and how he or she is managing.

Now of course, stimulating conversation does depend a lot of the type of temperament you have. Sanguines, of course, naturally have the gift of the gab and can talk under water. But for a Melancholic partner, conversation may be really difficult, so if one partner is lacking in conversational skills, it will be up to the mate to draw that person out and be the one asking the questions to generate healthy conversation.

 

 

Variety is the Spice of Life

Spain (176)There is nothing quite like giving your partner a surprise. If you regularly eat out of a Saturday evening, and your partner is expecting to go to the usual restaurant, why not plan a surprise visit to somewhere else instead, somewhere that you know your partner will immensely enjoy; remember variety is the spice of life! Perhaps your mate loves a certain concert artist. Why not purchase the best tickets available when you know the artist will be performing in your city? When your usual restaurant evening comes up, offer to drive instead to give your partner a break. Of course when you head off in the wrong direction, your mate will want to know what’s going on. Simply answer that you have arranged a special surprise. The very fact that you arranged something they like will really touch them and allow you to bond even closer especially if there has been some distancing in the relationship.

Always remain positive and remember that you can’t change your partner, but…your partner will change and respond differently as you are able to change. There is an old adage that says: “Whatever you are prepared to give, you will receive tenfold.” So be prepared to break the emotional chains that bind you, to free you to experience your highest good; and as you learn to give more of yourself, you will find yourself receiving more, much, much more.

If you feel you can’t express your true feelings and aspirations for fear of upsetting other people, and hold everything inside you, your dreams won’t materialize. Here, you will learn some tips on how to shift the unconscious elements that are holding you back. There is a name for this kind of activity today, it’s called personal growth and transformation. I hope these small hints and tips assist you on your journey through personal growth to your own transformation if you are indeed in a difficult relationship.

The Power of Touch

Woman is havin a head massageWe all know that when a child is hurt, it only takes a mother’s kiss on the sore spot to make it all better; a perfect example of the power of touch. The loving touch of a parent sitting by the child’s bed soon puts the child at ease, and accelerates the healing process.

It is the same for relationships. Some people do not like to touch, except in intimate circumstances. So you would need to be aware of this and respect the other person’s feelings. On the other hand, a lot of people need the touch of the loved one often. Sometimes there will need to be a compromise on this subject, and sometimes one person may need to ask to be touched if the partner is not aware of this need in the other person. I will be writing more extensively on this subject later. A soft kiss on the hand, or a gentle back rub often makes a huge difference in how your mate responds to you. When was the last time you walked up to your partner, and for no reason other than affection, gave them a gentle hug?

If you have not done this for a long time, it may seem strange to your partner, and he or she may think there is some ulterior motive behind it. But simply reassure them that this is not the case, and it is just a mark of affection because you appreciate them.

It would also be helpful to remember that emotions are something you do, not something that just happens to you. If that were the case, emotions would control you, and you would end up as some kind of unaware receptacle for whatever emotion decided to move through you. No other person can make you angry or sad or sick. It is the way you emotionally respond to the action of another person that causes you to say “You make me angry!” or “You hurt me!” The other person has done nothing except trigger a response from the energy patterns you are carrying inside. If there was no hurt inside you, the action could not provoke a hurt response, it would merely provoke a feeling of compassion.

So, when someone upsets you, the correct response should be:

1. Express your feelings, e.g. “I am feeling…………”

2. Don’t blame the other person just because they have pushed one

of your emotional buttons. They are acting as a mirror for you.

3. Take responsibility for your own feelings.

e.g. Not……….”You make me angry!” but “I get angry when………”

4. Give “I” messages instead of “You” messages to keep the relationship on even keel, then use the power of touch to soothe ruffled feathers.

This way you will experience emotional clearing along the way and have a better relationship as a result.

 

Personal Space Within the Relationship

Spain (188)Even though it is important to spend quality time together, it is equally important to have personal space within the relationship. It is important to give the other partner time to do something they like. If your mate loves to play golf but you have no desire to walk around a golf course hitting little white balls, or if you like to go to the movies, but your mate is not a movie buff and would rather do something different, then encourage each other to take time for your own personal space within the relationship. Establish a set time for this very purpose, if possible. You might not be able to do it every week, but make it at least once a month, and mark it out on the calendar so you know what to plan for. For example, if you don’t yet have children, you could make every last Friday night in the month, a time for girl’s and boy’s night out, where the females can catch up with their girlfriends, and the men can enjoy a night out with the boys.

Don’t mistake me here; this is not a time to date other people, but a time to enjoy preferred activities with other friends. Remember that trust is important in your relationship, and you will probably find that a fresh spark comes into your relationship as you will have different topics to discuss. However, If you try this, and then drill your partner to see what they did, whom they were with, and where they went, then the exercise has failed, and your personal space within the relationship will only turn into jealousy. If you don’t feel spiritually mature enough to try this, then don’t do it.

So many people don a false front when they come up against circumstances they can’t control or relationships they can’t handle. They wear masks that so gradually become a part of them, that they no longer know where the mask ends, and where they begin; the basic problem being one of rejection. Rejection is one of the most potent thoughts buried deep within the race mind. It surfaces and acts out in people’s lives in numerous ways.

Humanly speaking, nothing has a more profound influence on your behaviour than your inherited temperament. The combination of your parent’s genes and chromosomes at conception, which determined your basic temperament nine months before you drew breath, is largely responsible for your actions, reactions and emotional responses. This is because, prior to birth, you chose the parents who could give you those exact traits to help you develop and grow through the various experiences that you have chosen to encounter on your journey through the earth plane phase of your existence.

It will be your temperament that will allow you to have personal space within the relationship or not. I will be writing about this in more detail as we proceed through the articles.

Watch out for tomorrow’s post on ‘The Power of Touch’