Transformation

vitruvian manAlways remain positive in any relationship you have. You really have to remember that you can’t change your partner, but…your partner will change and respond differently as you are able to change. This is a very powerful emotional experience and may lead to personal transformation especially if you are able to release your shadow side.

Please remember that energy will not be repressed. If it is not expressed, it will project out of the personality and use your partner as a mirror to show you what areas of your life you need to clear up. Those things we do not like in another are usually the very things we ourselves need to clear up in our own lives. This leads to transformation.

If you are experiencing difficulty in your relationship, you will need to be patient as you work you way through, especially if you are carrying a lot of emotional conditioning or habit patterns that are difficult to eradicate. So, take it step by step, even hour by hour, day by day, until the days turn into weeks and the weeks into months and the months into years of personal happiness. You have to work at a relationship, the same as you have to work at anything else to get it to operate as it should.

One partner may begin to feel more emotion than the other, initially.  This is OK because you have unconsciously erected barriers around your emotional body for protection, and when these barriers start to crumble, you will find yourself getting in touch with those emotions that you have buried deep inside, such as anger, guilt, blame, fear, hurt, insecurity, disappointment, intolerance, vulnerability and so on.

When this happens, give yourself permission to feel the emotion surfacing; really feel the emotion, wallow in it, cry, beat a pillow, or whatever seems appropriate at the time to release the blockage. Then, when you have passed through that stage and released the emotion, if you sit quietly, you will feel the energy behind the emotion and realize that all energy passes through you continually. It is only when you hold onto it or repress it that you become sick or experience pain.

Try not to personalize the energy by saying “I am angry.” That way you become one with the anger and it is difficult to move it out. But say rather, “This is anger passing through me, I am not going to hold onto it and repress it, I shall express it and then let it go.” Now you have separated it, you can make a decision about what you will do. You and emotion are not one; emotions merely pass through you once you decide to let that happen. Emotion is energy in motion—block it or let it bank up by repressing it—and you’ll get sick.

It would be helpful to remember that emotions are something you do, not something that just happens to you. If that were the case, emotions would control you and you would end up as some kind of unaware receptacle for whatever emotion decided to move through you. No other person can make you angry or sad or sick. It is the way you emotionally respond to the action of another person that causes you to say “You make me angry!” or “You hurt me!” The other person has done nothing except trigger a response from the energy patterns you are carrying inside. If there was no hurt inside you, the action could not provoke a hurt response, it would merely provoke a feeling of compassion.

So, when someone upsets you, the correct response should be:

1. Express your feelings, e.g. “I am feeling…………”

2. Don’t blame the other person just because they have pushed one

of your emotional buttons.

3. Take responsibility for your own feelings.

e.g. Not……….”You make me angry!” but “I get angry when………”

This way you will experience emotional clearing along the way and have a better relationship as a result, because you will be going through a transformation.

The Power of Touch

Woman is havin a head massageWe all know that when a child is hurt, it only takes a mother’s kiss on the sore spot to make it all better; a perfect example of the power of touch. The loving touch of a parent sitting by the child’s bed soon puts the child at ease, and accelerates the healing process.

It is the same for relationships. Some people do not like to touch, except in intimate circumstances. So you would need to be aware of this and respect the other person’s feelings. On the other hand, a lot of people need the touch of the loved one often. Sometimes there will need to be a compromise on this subject, and sometimes one person may need to ask to be touched if the partner is not aware of this need in the other person. I will be writing more extensively on this subject later. A soft kiss on the hand, or a gentle back rub often makes a huge difference in how your mate responds to you. When was the last time you walked up to your partner, and for no reason other than affection, gave them a gentle hug?

If you have not done this for a long time, it may seem strange to your partner, and he or she may think there is some ulterior motive behind it. But simply reassure them that this is not the case, and it is just a mark of affection because you appreciate them.

It would also be helpful to remember that emotions are something you do, not something that just happens to you. If that were the case, emotions would control you, and you would end up as some kind of unaware receptacle for whatever emotion decided to move through you. No other person can make you angry or sad or sick. It is the way you emotionally respond to the action of another person that causes you to say “You make me angry!” or “You hurt me!” The other person has done nothing except trigger a response from the energy patterns you are carrying inside. If there was no hurt inside you, the action could not provoke a hurt response, it would merely provoke a feeling of compassion.

So, when someone upsets you, the correct response should be:

1. Express your feelings, e.g. “I am feeling…………”

2. Don’t blame the other person just because they have pushed one

of your emotional buttons. They are acting as a mirror for you.

3. Take responsibility for your own feelings.

e.g. Not……….”You make me angry!” but “I get angry when………”

4. Give “I” messages instead of “You” messages to keep the relationship on even keel, then use the power of touch to soothe ruffled feathers.

This way you will experience emotional clearing along the way and have a better relationship as a result.