Variety is the Spice of Life

Spain (176)There is nothing quite like giving your partner a surprise. If you regularly eat out of a Saturday evening, and your partner is expecting to go to the usual restaurant, why not plan a surprise visit to somewhere else instead, somewhere that you know your partner will immensely enjoy; remember variety is the spice of life! Perhaps your mate loves a certain concert artist. Why not purchase the best tickets available when you know the artist will be performing in your city? When your usual restaurant evening comes up, offer to drive instead to give your partner a break. Of course when you head off in the wrong direction, your mate will want to know what’s going on. Simply answer that you have arranged a special surprise. The very fact that you arranged something they like will really touch them and allow you to bond even closer especially if there has been some distancing in the relationship.

Always remain positive and remember that you can’t change your partner, but…your partner will change and respond differently as you are able to change. There is an old adage that says: “Whatever you are prepared to give, you will receive tenfold.” So be prepared to break the emotional chains that bind you, to free you to experience your highest good; and as you learn to give more of yourself, you will find yourself receiving more, much, much more.

If you feel you can’t express your true feelings and aspirations for fear of upsetting other people, and hold everything inside you, your dreams won’t materialize. Here, you will learn some tips on how to shift the unconscious elements that are holding you back. There is a name for this kind of activity today, it’s called personal growth and transformation. I hope these small hints and tips assist you on your journey through personal growth to your own transformation if you are indeed in a difficult relationship.

The Power of Touch

Woman is havin a head massageWe all know that when a child is hurt, it only takes a mother’s kiss on the sore spot to make it all better; a perfect example of the power of touch. The loving touch of a parent sitting by the child’s bed soon puts the child at ease, and accelerates the healing process.

It is the same for relationships. Some people do not like to touch, except in intimate circumstances. So you would need to be aware of this and respect the other person’s feelings. On the other hand, a lot of people need the touch of the loved one often. Sometimes there will need to be a compromise on this subject, and sometimes one person may need to ask to be touched if the partner is not aware of this need in the other person. I will be writing more extensively on this subject later. A soft kiss on the hand, or a gentle back rub often makes a huge difference in how your mate responds to you. When was the last time you walked up to your partner, and for no reason other than affection, gave them a gentle hug?

If you have not done this for a long time, it may seem strange to your partner, and he or she may think there is some ulterior motive behind it. But simply reassure them that this is not the case, and it is just a mark of affection because you appreciate them.

It would also be helpful to remember that emotions are something you do, not something that just happens to you. If that were the case, emotions would control you, and you would end up as some kind of unaware receptacle for whatever emotion decided to move through you. No other person can make you angry or sad or sick. It is the way you emotionally respond to the action of another person that causes you to say “You make me angry!” or “You hurt me!” The other person has done nothing except trigger a response from the energy patterns you are carrying inside. If there was no hurt inside you, the action could not provoke a hurt response, it would merely provoke a feeling of compassion.

So, when someone upsets you, the correct response should be:

1. Express your feelings, e.g. “I am feeling…………”

2. Don’t blame the other person just because they have pushed one

of your emotional buttons. They are acting as a mirror for you.

3. Take responsibility for your own feelings.

e.g. Not……….”You make me angry!” but “I get angry when………”

4. Give “I” messages instead of “You” messages to keep the relationship on even keel, then use the power of touch to soothe ruffled feathers.

This way you will experience emotional clearing along the way and have a better relationship as a result.

 

Personal Space Within the Relationship

Spain (188)Even though it is important to spend quality time together, it is equally important to have personal space within the relationship. It is important to give the other partner time to do something they like. If your mate loves to play golf but you have no desire to walk around a golf course hitting little white balls, or if you like to go to the movies, but your mate is not a movie buff and would rather do something different, then encourage each other to take time for your own personal space within the relationship. Establish a set time for this very purpose, if possible. You might not be able to do it every week, but make it at least once a month, and mark it out on the calendar so you know what to plan for. For example, if you don’t yet have children, you could make every last Friday night in the month, a time for girl’s and boy’s night out, where the females can catch up with their girlfriends, and the men can enjoy a night out with the boys.

Don’t mistake me here; this is not a time to date other people, but a time to enjoy preferred activities with other friends. Remember that trust is important in your relationship, and you will probably find that a fresh spark comes into your relationship as you will have different topics to discuss. However, If you try this, and then drill your partner to see what they did, whom they were with, and where they went, then the exercise has failed, and your personal space within the relationship will only turn into jealousy. If you don’t feel spiritually mature enough to try this, then don’t do it.

So many people don a false front when they come up against circumstances they can’t control or relationships they can’t handle. They wear masks that so gradually become a part of them, that they no longer know where the mask ends, and where they begin; the basic problem being one of rejection. Rejection is one of the most potent thoughts buried deep within the race mind. It surfaces and acts out in people’s lives in numerous ways.

Humanly speaking, nothing has a more profound influence on your behaviour than your inherited temperament. The combination of your parent’s genes and chromosomes at conception, which determined your basic temperament nine months before you drew breath, is largely responsible for your actions, reactions and emotional responses. This is because, prior to birth, you chose the parents who could give you those exact traits to help you develop and grow through the various experiences that you have chosen to encounter on your journey through the earth plane phase of your existence.

It will be your temperament that will allow you to have personal space within the relationship or not. I will be writing about this in more detail as we proceed through the articles.

Watch out for tomorrow’s post on ‘The Power of Touch’

Take Time for Love

France (23)Spending quality time together is crucial to the development of any relationship; remember to take time for love. This time can also be spent with friends, just dining out together or with others, perhaps attending some sporting event together, or merely cuddling up together while watching a favorite movie at home.  The most important thing to remember is to spend some time together; take time for love. It is not so much the activity that is important, it is the fact that you are together, doing something that you both enjoy. Of course it is also important to have time to be in your own space. In today’s hectic world, most people lead very busy schedules so it can be difficult to allocate time for your partner, as well as all the other things that demand your attention, such as work, errands and shopping, your family, the home, as well as trying to fit in a social activity plus activities for the children if you have them. So, yes, finding time for your mate can be difficult; but did you take time for love when you were courting? Of course, you did! You made time then, and you can make time now. Just as you would schedule a meeting on your calendar, show some courtesy in the relationship by scheduling time to spend with each other, and no excuses unless you have some unexpected emergency.

When you fell in love, you probably didn’t want to stay apart. Falling in love, as opposed to loving, is one of the most prevalent forms of projection in human society. It is what makes the world go round.  It is nature’s way of bringing couples together to ensure the continuation of the species. When we “fall in love,” we experience the projection of some ideal archetypal part of ourselves onto another, who acts as a mirror, and plays the part out for us as the receiver for that ideal. The energy imposes on the receiver a range of behavioral patterns and emotional responses, all nourished by the psychological expec­tations of the person projecting the archetype.

So falling in love is being magnetically attracted to a person who has the parts that are resonant with an ideal archetypal part of ourselves. You have heard the expression, “like attracts like” so this is what is happening. It is really loving a part of yourself, which the projection process places on the another being who, if they are receptive, reciprocate, and mirror back to us that ideal, so then we have what we call, “the lovers.” The danger here of course is that they may start off as a perfect example of the Lovers portrayed on the Tarot trump number 6, but can quite easily degenerate into Tarot card number fifteen, the Devil, if you don’t take time for love.

To avoid this happening, the quality time you spend with your partner, showing kindness and compassion in all situations, will reap its own rewards.

Watch out for tomorrow’s post on ‘Personal Space Within Relationships’

Rekindle your Relationship

canstockphoto7371359Time to rekindle your relationship? When you first meet your partner, everything seems new and exciting. You have that delicious feeling in the pit of your tummy, and your heart beats much faster. You can’t stop looking at the other person, and they seem to be just perfect. This is looking at the world through rose coloured glasses.

You will overlook the little annoying things the other person does, if in fact you notice at all. However, after time, once the glamour of the relationship starts to thin a little, the nagging often starts, and instead of hearing, “You look beautiful,” or “You look great in that outfit”, you might hear something like: “Why are you wearing that dress?” If this has happened in your relationship, first, the two of you need to sit down and be honest that things might have changed a little. Perhaps one of you is going through a stressful time and hasn’t effectively communicated that to the other partner. It is better to be upfront and honest as soon as the hairline fractures start to appear. Often it is beneficial to remember what attracted you to the person at the beginning of the relationship, and concentrate on the positive aspects of the relationship, rather than on the annoying things.

This is when the real work starts in a relationship, and the truth is, both of you will have to work at this. Often, it will not be easy, but it is possible to rekindle the passion in your relationship. You see, we all have the vital life force constantly flowing through us as living energies that contain ideas and information, and, depending on your compatibility, your partner’s ideas may be totally different to yours.

The way we express these energies is through specific patterns of instinctual behavior, or thought processes.  These energies work through the forces that make up the impersonal part of humanity’s psyche that all of us share. When they particularize, we call them archetypes. For example, if I say to you, “Oh, she is the perfect mother.” You know exactly what I mean. She is living out the mother archetype. These archetypes automatically project themselves outwardly from within us onto whatever or whoever is available in our outer world.

For example, the person we like or dislike instantly, a fondness or antipathy for birds, cats, dogs or horses, a peace-inducing picture of an angel, perhaps a favourite print or a certain piece of sculpture. Each of these images acts as a screen for the archetypal forces that live within us, and project out of us onto anything that will act as a screen to project back to us what we need to become aware of, whether that be an inanimate object or a person.

This archetypal energy can mold and change our behavior, even shaping certain structures of our lives, but are often unknown as the energy functions just beneath the level of personality awareness. In each human being these energies gather into in an individual and unique pattern. So this is the energy that causes fluctua­tions and change in our relationships and can also rekindle them. These processes are unknown to our personalities, and are one of the main causes of trouble in a relationship. You can sometimes witness an archetype taking over someone’s personality, for example, when that person becomes inebriated and acts like someone other than their normal waking self.

It is imperative to be informed about such matters if your relationship is a bit shaky, and you want to rekindle your relationship so it can move to a different level. Sometimes you need to begin again and capture the initial excitement. The secret is kindness and compassion for each other.

There is a lot of information I will be writing about concerning archetypes, projections, temperaments, the inner child, the personality, consciousness, unconsciousness and so on.

Watch out for tomorrows post on ‘Time Management’

 

How to Repair Your Relationship

canstockphoto16779684A lot of people are writing to me wanting to know about partnerships and marriage. So I have decided to post something here every day that may be of assistance. Marriage is certainly different to what it was fifty years ago. When I look around in today’s modern world, all I see are marriages and partnerships falling apart. It is no wonder that many are avoiding the traditional marriage, and opting for something different, although deep down, everyone still seems to be searching for that “special one—that soul mate”.

Many relationships are faced with challenges and other obstacles that seem too hard to deal with. So many people just quit trying to understand what went wrong and simply give up, often finding themselves out in the rat race of the dating game once again.  Dating is getting more and more like ‘pass the parcel’, trying to date as many people as possible in an attempt to find the ‘right one’, instead of taking the time to get to know someone a little better, and letting the relationship move to a deeper level where the soul qualities reside.

The truth of the matter is that relationships, whether dating or married, are hard. Things do not always work out as we want them to, arguments do occur, and whether you believe it or not, it does take 100% commitment from both parties to make the relationship a success.

When there is a relationship split, one or both parties feel different. The magic that once was there, no longer exists. And someone is always left wondering “Why? What went wrong?” If one person initiates the break, the other person usually suffers a ‘psychic bleed’. That means the cord that was attached through the emotional centre has been cut. This is why some people feel pain around the solar plexus centre, and can’t eat.

Of course, it is possible to enjoy a healthy, and long-lasting relationship.  So what secrets do the people who have them possess? Relationships are like any other professional job. The more you work at it, the more you begin to enjoy it because it gives you satisfaction. So what happens at work when a problem arises? Do you say to the boss: “Aww, this is too hard, I’m out of here!” Obviously not if you want to keep your job! You work at the problem until you solve it, and it makes you feel good that you were able to achieve something. The same is true in any relationship.

So, the answer is to communicate about any problems that occur, and solve them straight away instead of letting resentment or anger build up and undermine the relationship.

Everyone knows the magic of those “warm and fuzzy” feelings wears off a relationship after about eighteen months or so. But it need not. You can make a decision to let “being in love” with someone turn into “loving” someone.

Loving someone means you become best friends as well as lovers. It means you begin to resonate with the other person on all four levels, physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually.  If, when you married, you were only resonant on the physical and emotional levels, it means you have to study a little, pick up your game, open your mind and become interested in other things; this is what makes it work. If you were resonant on the mental and spiritual levels, it probably means you will experience emotions you were unaware of before, or there may be physical difficulties in the relationship. These things may not become apparent for many years, and one partner may begin to back away from the relationship, finding it unsatisfactory, but afraid of telling the other partner why.

Now to have a true marriage, you need to be compatible and resonant with your partner on all four levels. If you remain resonant on only two or three levels, you do not have a true marriage, you have a living arrangement. True marriage is not represented by a piece of paper signed and dated in front of witnesses. That is a man made thing. There are some couples living together who have never taken formal man made vows, who have made their own vows to one another, and who are compatible on all four levels. In the eyes of some institutions they are not considered married, but they are more married in the true sense of the word than some living in the sham of a so-called modern day marriage.

There are hundreds of things you can do to better your relationship. One of the first is to understand the temperament of your partner, and I’ll give you hints and tips on this aspect after we get through some of the more basic things that can help restore your relationship.

Watch out for tomorrows post on ‘Beginning Again’.