Life Choices

Meta Relationship ProgramYour life choices are based on your psychological conditioning or what is commonly called your emotional programming. Do you want to know how it adds up? Your life experiences + your choices + your desires + your decisions = your emotional programming. It is important to understand that about 80% of emotional programming normally happens before you are eight years old, and that it is the basis of how you react today.

You can’t change your past, but if you begin to understand why you react today, and not respond, you can break the chains that bind you, and understand more about yourself, and why you interact the way you do with your partner Now, I’d like to help you understand your own emotional programming and life choices and how to respond differently.

You attract the partner into your life who can assist you best with your life lessons, and help you overcome your emotional programming, and bring your shadow side or sub-personalities into the light.

This emotional programming affects how you think and behave as an adult Your life experiences, especially those before you were eight years old, cause you to make certain subconscious decisions about yourself and others, and these decisions in turn, cause you to make certain choices as an adult.

All these choices and the way you behave, is called your emotional baggage or your emotional programming. It is this subconscious emotional baggage or programming that you bring with you into your relationships and this is what is responsible for much of the pain or conflict you feel.

In your journey through your incarnate existence, there would have been certain circumstances, disappointments, rejections, and other negative experiences that caused emotional wounds, and ultimately caused the kind of conditioning or programming we’ve been talking about. It doesn’t matter if the person who hurt you meant to hurt you, or if the disappointments were so many that they caused you to react negatively towards certain people, or even if it really was a negative situation—it depended solely on your interpretation of it.

Just for a moment, imagine a little girl whose father suddenly takes ill and dies. The child can’t understand why daddy isn’t there anymore and she feels totally abandoned, she wants her daddy.  We all know the event of a parent’s death is a natural occurrence, but at such a tender young age, it is interpreted as a very painful experience of abandonment. A child at such a young age doesn’t understand, even though they might know daddy has gone to heaven, and they tend to subconsciously blame the person who caused them pain. So, based on these subconscious decisions made from your childhood wounds, you grew up making certain choices to help you cope. You unconsciously developed emotional habits of response.

Now, this child whose father died, because of the programming in the subconscious mind, will probably attract men who abandon her, even though she may be an extremely beautiful young woman. Deep down is the belief that people she loves will abandon her, and that she will have to look after herself.

Eventually though, she does find someone who really loves her, so she marries. However, every time her husband wants her to open up, or he gets too close, that protective wall she put in place so long ago immediately sets a barrier between them. Unconsciously, she’s still protecting herself; she is still reacting to that little program in the subconscious mind that says “People who love me will leave me—don’t trust them.” Until she understands that and changes the program, she can’t have a healthy relationship with her husband.

Many of your choices and habits are formed to protect you at a different age. In the example above, that girl’s choices were protecting her. They were not meant to harm her or anybody else. They were used as a survival mechanism. If you find something like this happening in your own life today, look back into your own life and see where the hurts, the pain the abandonment, the rejection happened, and work towards clearing it so you make different life choices, and can move forward as a free and happy soul. Marriage is about finding the right partner—it’s about BEING the right partner.

 

 

Our Shadow Side

Screen Shot 2013-09-30 at 11.15.46 PMWhatever parts of ourselves we try to get rid of in our personality, life will bring to us—in the form of people who are exactly like those parts we deny—our shadow side. We will meet people who carry our shadow side and each time we do, these people will be a challenge for us. We will either be strong­ly attracted, or strongly repelled, or some combination of the two. Our partner is usually the one to project our shadow side back to us to help us transform. This doesn’t happen immediately, of course, but usually after about eighteen months or so. If our partner is not destined to help us transform through the shadow, then usually it will be one of our difficult children who will do so. If this does not happen in the home life, then you can be sure there will be someone at work who will project to us our own shadow side.

The shadow, or these repressed aspects, sometimes called sub-personalities or selves) are like mis­siles, aimed at us by the intelligence that created us, and they always find their mark; there is no escaping them. There is just the challenge to learn that lesson, to integrate it, then move on to the next experience. Bit by painful bit we can overcome the shadow, or the repressed aspects that are a part of us.

We need to realize that whatever we deny is what we attract. This is the basic law of relationship. We will be moved by spirit in a particular direction and “fall in love” with someone who has the capability to push us to complete ourselves, to become all that we can become in this lifetime. They are not consciously aware of this, it works at the soul level, and that level senses what we are missing and then pushes (or pulls) us to fill the vacu­um. What we are missing is what we have denied or pushed down into the dark depths of the psyche. If you can think of relationship as the vehicle for completing yourself, then you will see each of the people who carry aspects of your shadow, as your teachers.

Until you become aware of this basic law of the psyche, you will usually see the shadow or your denied aspects as the enemy, and there will be times when they will cause you much pain. A great deal of the pain that people experience in relationship is based on the fact that they have no understanding that they are carrying each other’s shadow side, and mirroring it back to the other person. This is true in all relationships. At first, you may find the shadow irresistible when you see it in your partner, and then, after a while, you will usually find it impossible to live with, because it really pushes your buttons, simply because you don’t understand that it is really that part of yourself that you need to look at.

The people in your life who carry aspects of your shadow are your teachers, giving you an opportunity to bring your shadow into the light. When you realize this, life and relationships look different. This is true of everybody in your life, not only your partner, but it is usually your primary relationship that carries the biggest charge. These apparently irreconcilable differences in relationships, mirrored back to you by your partner, are opportunities for the greatest personal growth. Your current personality does not like what it sees in the mirroring process, because it can get very painful, but as you learn to make use of the larger perspective that contains opportunities for soul growth and transformation, then you will begin to see the world through different eyes.  You begin to see the value of your shadow side that your partner carries, and projects back to you.  You get a sense of what you have pushed down and denied. As you reclaim those denied aspects of yourself, you will begin to transform and usually reclaim your relationship. The partner who caused you so much pain before, suddenly begins to look just fine again, and your relationship is able to move forward on a higher level.

 

 

 

Transmutation

canstockphoto13816906Transformation and transmutation are necessary if we are to move forward and function as a different species. If you grew up in a dysfunctional family, you may have shut yourself off many times and you may not even notice the emotional pain you are now putting yourself through.  And because of all the issues that have been pushed down and shut off, you attract those situations into your life to help you resolve them now. Energy will not be repressed; it must express itself and it does this by projecting onto the nearest person who can mirror it back to you, which is usually your partner. It can also happen with your business associates, friends and children. In other words, your shadow side projects itself onto a person who will mirror it back to you to make you look at those issues that you have repressed. Of course you’ll hate this process—everyone does until they realize exactly what is going on.

Sometimes when you know you should take a leap forward in your life…and you won’t…or you can’t, a higher source will step in and take over. And you will complain that fate has dished up this or that unpleasant experience for you, and you will ask “Why me?” or “Why are you doing this to me?”

If you haven’t achieved a relative degree of self-mastery or refuse to look at those things that are presented to you, either through the opportunities or coincidences in your life, fate will step in and be your teacher. No one is allowed to stagnate for too long.

Maybe you’re in a job that is not suiting your higher purpose, and you know you should be looking elsewhere; but it’s comfortable, the pay is good, so you stay…until one day the boss calls you in and tells you that you’re fired. Or, you’re in a relationship that’s just not working, but you stay because it’s convenient, until one day your partner tells you they’ve found somebody else. Fate steps in and forces you to take the next step forward to help you change because you can’t do it yourself. Fate can also allow a serious illness to shake you up. That really makes you take stock of your life and you are forced to change and then its scary because you have to confront issues that you’ve pushed down deep into your sub-conscious mind; you’ve ignored all the opportunities that have been placed in front of you to help you…and now you’re being forced to look.  How many times have you heard of people overcoming a serious illness and then taking up something or doing something that they never would have done if they hadn’t got sick?

We don’t like change. We like to sit with our habit patterns, it feels comfortable but it also leads to stagnation. The only thing permanent in this universe is change. The purpose of negative experiences is to disturb, disrupt and to destroy so change can promote further growth. Think about the renovation of an old building for a moment. Wallpaper is ripped off, the insides are pulled out etc. Everything is replaced until not much of the old is recognized. But look at the new structure, it looks fabulous. And so, it is the same with us. We don’t like the process of transmutation, the changes hurt, but they are sometimes necessary to allow us to get to the next level, and those beings that oversee humanity assist as much as they are able without taking the necessary lessons away. When I look back on my life, I find that the times of greatest personal growth happened through the periods of greatest crisis.

 

How to Make a Relationship Work

Portugal (45)Think about it! Most of us were never taught how to communicate effectively with others, or how to ask for what we want. We usually ask for something else for fear of being thought selfish or greedy. How to make a relationship work? We were never taught that either. Love is not enough to make it work, we need to know how to make it work.

Most of us learned about relationships from watching how our parents interacted. If you grew up in a loving family atmosphere, you had a good start in life, but if you grew up in an unhealthy family environment, you would have learned unhealthy relationship habits. You probably would not want to have a relationship just like your parents, but don’t know how to go about forming a healthy relationship, or how to make it work.

You probably learned how to fight, how to hide our true feelings, how to have low self-esteem and so on. You were most likely confused by double messages, about one parent maybe playing the martyr, or one playing the bully. But it’s not your parent’s fault either, they would have learned from their parents and so on, it goes generation after generation.

In the days of our grandparents, love was an extravagance; an exception rather than the rule. On the odd occasion, of course, there was true love and it was a beautiful thing. Most married and had a family for many other reasons. The man worked to provide for the family, the woman stayed home and raised the children. There was little communication about love. Mostly, for the woman, love was a chore that had to be done. Some women even thought they could fall pregnant by being kissed. No wonder that today we have a lot of emotional cripples among us.

Lets hope we can learn enough about love and relationships so if ever our children are asked if they would want a relationship just like their parents, they would say, “Most definitely!”

When you were born, you came into the world with your previous memories washed clean, ready to start a new life with a clean slate; and it’s the interaction with your parents, teachers and peers that causes you to be conditioned emotionally.

Your emotional body is like a computer that has a program installed. When you hit a certain key, the program runs and responds in a certain way. When you press other keys, different responses happen. You have to change the programs you put in as a child if you want different responses as an adult  to learn how to make a relationship work.

Continued shortly.

Enter the Silence

Screen Shot 2014-08-30 at 12.14.04 pmThe most sacred energies that we know are contained within the Holy Silence that we are calling Atava.  When you enter the silence, you will have an inner knowing that it is composed of the vibrations of Universal Light. As you become sensitive to the Light vibrations, you may become aware of its living presence.

The essence of the Silence is to be sought in the power of the Light in the form of unconditional Love. And pulsing deep within the Light is the essence of the Source of All That Is.

Take a couple of deep breaths: in through the nose, sighing the breath out through the mouth…Pause. Quietly summon the silence around you, and then enter the silence Feel it surround you like a soft velvety presence, so that you no longer can distinguish up or down or sideways. There is just a feeling of being. Enter the silence and jus rest in this energy and after a while, you will feel attuned to a presence of a very fine vibration interpenetrating your body. Try to be still within and without knowing that the Source has entered your being to assist and inspire you…Pause 5 min.

This is the first part of the exercise. We are now going to personalise the meditation, to bring it down into a more human concept. Since it is easier to communicate with images that most resemble us, I am going to ask you to develop a personal idea of a loving intelligence that we normally call the higher self that is always ready and waiting to assist you when you learn to attune and listen. This can in many ways hasten the healing of the body, soul and the mind.

This aspect of yourself has put down a drop of itself in you, but remains in the higher levels of consciousness, It is important that you allow an image to build in your mind’s eye and attempt to feel the reality of that individualised presence in front of you. Know that it is connected to you by a ray of Light, a stream of energy that flows into every cell in your body.

Ask the presence in front of you to fill you with as much love and light as your body is capable of withstanding at this point in time. See the tiny lines of light reaching out to connect with every cell in your physical body. Try to sense your closeness to the Source of your own being, the more profoundly you can visualise this experience and connection, the greater will be the healing…hold the visualisation for a minute or so until you can feel the energy coming into your body like soft tingles. This is the higher self awakening your cellular memory;  then just relax and enjoy the experience…as you enter the silence of your own soul.

 

Let go of Fear!

Screen Shot 2014-08-23 at 3.34.56 pmLets look at this—why do you get sick—many students of Metaphysics are wondering why it is sometimes that sickness still occurs to those who have been meditating for a long time. A lot of it deals with fear. Learn to let go of fear! It would be better to look at sickness or illness as an opportunity to clear old states of consciousness, or a purging that takes place to rid the body of impurities. This benefits not only yourself, but the overall planetary consciousness and helps everyone to move up a little higher in consciousness.

Most students don’t make a big deal about their problems; everyone has them and their prime purpose is for learning. We look into the area where the problem is occurring and this can give us a clue as to what is going on in our sphere of consciousness.

Take kidney complaints for example. Like some of the other organs arranged in pairs, kidneys represent something to do with partnerships. Usually we attract people into our lives who represent our shadow side; that is that side of ourselves that we have repressed or pushed down.  This happens as an opportunity for us to look at ourselves, and clear that repressed energy. Those traits we do not like in our partner or other close people are usually the very things we need to look at within ourselves.

The body is a marvelous expression of what is going on in the soul and what needs to be corrected at a deeper level.

Now energy will not be repressed, it must flow through. If we have an energy blockage, we soon find out about it in the form of a mental or emotional upset. If we refuse to deal with it at these levels, eventually it becomes a physical problem, and we are forced to deal with it because it becomes uncomfortable not to do so. If you have problems with your kidneys, it is a possibility that you project your inadequacies and/or your problems onto your partner or someone else close to you because you either can’t or don’t want to look at that which you have repressed. If your partner tries to help you look at these problems, and you are not ready to listen and block out that which you do not want to hear, you may end up having ear problems as well.

A lot of people are still experiencing fear and a fear of physical pain. Even after all the teachings about being a spiritual being inhabiting a physical body, we still have this fear. If you look at the things you fear, you would see that almost all of them are connected with the idea that you are just a body. If you were just a body, there would be many reasons to fear; but if you can see that you inhabit a body then many possibilities open up for you. Do not be just the body. Know that you are in the body and that you can help the body. Shift the pain by dispersing the energy.

When you become serious about meditation, and you are able to achieve a depth in your communication with your Higher Self, then all fear will be lifted from your mind. Just sit there and observe your fear or the effect your problem is having on your body, and immediately let go of fear.  Some very interesting things will happen if you do not get caught up in the emotion of what is going on but simply observe.  The more time you spend in this centre, the more the power of the centre will start to activate. The heart centre is where all fear fades and love is given a chance to grow. To love is to let go of fear.

 

 

Transformation

vitruvian manAlways remain positive in any relationship you have. You really have to remember that you can’t change your partner, but…your partner will change and respond differently as you are able to change. This is a very powerful emotional experience and may lead to personal transformation especially if you are able to release your shadow side.

Please remember that energy will not be repressed. If it is not expressed, it will project out of the personality and use your partner as a mirror to show you what areas of your life you need to clear up. Those things we do not like in another are usually the very things we ourselves need to clear up in our own lives. This leads to transformation.

If you are experiencing difficulty in your relationship, you will need to be patient as you work you way through, especially if you are carrying a lot of emotional conditioning or habit patterns that are difficult to eradicate. So, take it step by step, even hour by hour, day by day, until the days turn into weeks and the weeks into months and the months into years of personal happiness. You have to work at a relationship, the same as you have to work at anything else to get it to operate as it should.

One partner may begin to feel more emotion than the other, initially.  This is OK because you have unconsciously erected barriers around your emotional body for protection, and when these barriers start to crumble, you will find yourself getting in touch with those emotions that you have buried deep inside, such as anger, guilt, blame, fear, hurt, insecurity, disappointment, intolerance, vulnerability and so on.

When this happens, give yourself permission to feel the emotion surfacing; really feel the emotion, wallow in it, cry, beat a pillow, or whatever seems appropriate at the time to release the blockage. Then, when you have passed through that stage and released the emotion, if you sit quietly, you will feel the energy behind the emotion and realize that all energy passes through you continually. It is only when you hold onto it or repress it that you become sick or experience pain.

Try not to personalize the energy by saying “I am angry.” That way you become one with the anger and it is difficult to move it out. But say rather, “This is anger passing through me, I am not going to hold onto it and repress it, I shall express it and then let it go.” Now you have separated it, you can make a decision about what you will do. You and emotion are not one; emotions merely pass through you once you decide to let that happen. Emotion is energy in motion—block it or let it bank up by repressing it—and you’ll get sick.

It would be helpful to remember that emotions are something you do, not something that just happens to you. If that were the case, emotions would control you and you would end up as some kind of unaware receptacle for whatever emotion decided to move through you. No other person can make you angry or sad or sick. It is the way you emotionally respond to the action of another person that causes you to say “You make me angry!” or “You hurt me!” The other person has done nothing except trigger a response from the energy patterns you are carrying inside. If there was no hurt inside you, the action could not provoke a hurt response, it would merely provoke a feeling of compassion.

So, when someone upsets you, the correct response should be:

1. Express your feelings, e.g. “I am feeling…………”

2. Don’t blame the other person just because they have pushed one

of your emotional buttons.

3. Take responsibility for your own feelings.

e.g. Not……….”You make me angry!” but “I get angry when………”

This way you will experience emotional clearing along the way and have a better relationship as a result, because you will be going through a transformation.

Love at First Sight

canstockphoto16779684Our world is literally full of living energies that contain ideas and information. Some portray a more common impression, and we call these energies archetypes because they convey specific patterns of instinctual behaviour. These archetypes automatically project themselves outwardly from within each one of us onto whatever mirrors are available in our outer world, to reflect back to us what we need to look at. For example, the person who inspires ‘love at first sight,’ is acting as a mirror for unconscious forces tthat are living within them, and each draws the energies to itself, which fit at that level of development.

These energies are powered by the central sun in the solar plexus centre; they are indeed living, intelligent forces that have particular life functions and they influence the tapestry of our lives, sometimes colouring it with bright and dazzling colours, and at other times with dull and uninteresting colours.  They attach themselves, without our conscious aware­ness, to everything we touch or get close to in our world.

Attaching or projecting themselves onto living people, they have the power to influence the behavior of those people, and draw back onto themselves a corresponding projection. The illusion of evil is created by the repression of energy. Evil is unconsciousness. Those who are concerned about its prevalence in their lives might well attempt to seek the source of it within themselves. Evil results from ignorance of the way the laws of the universe work. We come to this conclusion by the words spoken to Peter by the Master when he rebuked him: ‘But he turned, and said unto Peter, “Get thee behind me, Satan: thou art an offence unto me: for thou savourest not the things that be of God, but those that be of men”’. Sin is only separation from your God.

It is strange how everyone is encouraged to understand and believe through another’s experiences or dogma; few people are encouraged to embark on their own inner journeys (except if you meditate), to establish their own spiritual individualities. Few look within where this teacher actually exists, even though the Master suggested that this was the way to do it. Now, love at first sight or falling in love, as opposed to loving, and loving unconditionally, is probably the most prevalent form of accepted projection in human society. It is one way, through the magnetic attraction of the aura, that brings couples together to perpetuate the species.

When we experience love at first sight, we experience the other person mirroring back to us, the projection of some ideal archetypal part of ourselves. The archetype projects onto the loved one, a whole range of potential desires, and emotions that are all provided by the psychological expec­tations of the person projecting the archetype. So, falling in love is literally loving a part of yourself, which the projection process places on another person, and that person mirrors it back to you. If the loved one willingly receives and responds to it, then we say it was love at first sight.

If the loved one rejects the projection, then the other suffers the pain of unrequited love. Love at first sight makes demands on the loved one, be they willing or unwilling. When ‘love at first’ sight turns into ‘loving’ on the other hand, everything becomes free and giving; the relationship operates through loving kindness; it requires nothing in return, has no expectations, and accepts the other without judgment. True love wants only that which can be freely and unconditionally given out of the other’s self. The relationship where love at first sight turns into loving as the initial projection wanes, usually somewhere between six to eighteen months (or when the honeymoon period is over), are those that endure, expressing the greatest beauty, kindness, and compassion.

 

Debate Within Your Relationship

canstockphoto20896832If you know that you and your mate have proven differences in opinion on certain subjects, it is better to avoid those subjects if you know it will only end in an argument; so don’t have a debate within your relationship if you will end up not speaking to each other afterwards. As an example, if you are a Liberal and your mate is a Labor man, then discussions on politics should probably be avoided. As the two of you identify new topics that could cause a negative debate session, stop the conversation before it even gets started, agree to disagree, and discuss only those subjects that will promote healthy discussion and a positive outcome. Sometimes this boils down to the difference in temperament.

If your mate has a choleric temperament, there is little use in arguing. Cholerics will never let you win as their negative qualities include jealousy, irritability, intolerance, impatience and so on. They can’t stand anyone to argue against them. Furthermore, even when they are wrong, they will argue that they are right.

Now, if your mate has a sanguine temperament, the game is a little different. Sanguines get angry very easily if you can’t see their point of view. They would prefer to play rather than debate within your relationship; they would consider this hard work unless they can hold the floor and wrap the debate up in lots of different stories with a sprinkling of embellishments.

A different experience comes with the melancholic. Melancholics can be far too sensitive, and if you disagree with them, they will usually retreat into their shell and will refuse to debate within your relationship at all. Some tend to have a low self-image unless they have worked on themselves, and sometimes consider that others know more than they do about certain subjects. Usually they are extremely well informed about the subjects they like, but these subjects may not appeal to the mate, so an attempt must be made to do things and discuss things that appeal to both partners if the relationship is to survive.

Last of all the person who is a phlegmatic. Phlegmatics can appear quite unenthusiastic about debate within your relationship and can be quite resistant to change of any sort. However, if you can debate on a subject they like, they will contribute readily enough, with much encouragement. Their stubbornness can be extremely annoying, and can often be the cause of fights. So don’t expect too much from them. You might just have to suggest something and then arrange to do it. Usually they are quite happy to tag along.

So if you have an idea of the temperament of your mate, and remember they can be a combination of different temperaments, it will certainly help you in how to go about debating; what subjects to choose, and which ones to avoid.

Watch for the next article on “Set in Your Ways?

 

Generate Healthy Conversation

dreamstime_1771209If you seem caught in the going nowhere trap, break out of the habit of talking about nothing, and generate healthy conversation. If you are married, especially with children, many times, you may find yourself sitting around the dinner table with the conversation consisting of nothing more than: “Do you like your carrots?” or “I wonder what is on TV tonight?”

It is much better to ask questions showing real interest about what is going on with everyone, and generate healthy conversation with questions and answers: Replace the normal, “Did you have a good day at school?” with “Tell me what you did at school today.” This should certainly generate healthy conversation between you and your children, and then you can help them with any difficulties they may have encountered.

You can also have this interchange with your partner, by asking the same: Tell me what you did at work today.” Even if you do not understand everything being said, listen with interest and ask the occasional question; too many people seem to have lost the art of conversation. It is not that you are so much interested in the work, but in your partner’s life and how he or she is managing.

Now of course, stimulating conversation does depend a lot of the type of temperament you have. Sanguines, of course, naturally have the gift of the gab and can talk under water. But for a Melancholic partner, conversation may be really difficult, so if one partner is lacking in conversational skills, it will be up to the mate to draw that person out and be the one asking the questions to generate healthy conversation.